It Just wasn't right :(

Today I had to take a quick to Raleigh for a seminar for work. Steve drove with me because he is just nice that way. He got to go to Gwenn and Nick's church and then go out to lunch with Nick's partents while I was in the meeting. (no fair..right?)
After he picked me up I told him I wanted to get something not McDonald's or Subway to eat. So he took me to Panarra's (sp??) When I stepped out of the car it hit me. I wanted to cry and in fact I am pretty much spilling tears now. Gwenn is not here.I go to Pannara's with Gwenn. She is in Haiti. Nick and Nia and Nico and Josiah are not here.They are in Haiti.We stopped at the Farmer's Market. They wern't there either. I know this is normal but I think I am having a bit of a delayed reaction. Really..it hasn't been that long since I saw them. Just over a month..but still.. I can't just pick up the phone. I turn on the computer I hope Gwenn is on line. I think once they move into a home there instead of an apartment in Port..(long story on this one) I will feel more settled knowing they are more finally nesting. I am so glad ALL my girls didn't move to Haiti. On the other hand if they did it might be easier..we would have to move too..Meanwhile I'll wait for the Skype notice to signal that Gwenn is online. And wait for all three of my girls to blog and be thankful that I have a family to miss. Family in Haiti, PA, NY,SC and even my family in heaven.And thankful I have family right around the corner to play with.

yay ! yard sales

Today I earned $91.00 at a yard sale that I didn't even go to! Gretchen and Jon let me piggy back with their sale. So now I am 20% ready to buy my next plane ticket to Haiti and I got rid of some junk at the same time!I love yard sales and I love my kids for doing all the work!

In Another Life

The day warm and fair. The atmosphere downtown Manteo was cheerful and light. My husband and I sat at dinner waiting for the phone call. When it came that Josiah had arrived, all 9 1/2+ pounds of him we were elated. Minutes later the world came tumbling down around us as we got the call "Mommy, something is very wrong!" came the frightened, panicked voice of my daughter Gwenn. It was one of those dream like times that seems so surreal now. How could this have only been two years ago on the first of June?? I remember every detail as if it were some dreadful movie I had once seen but not my own grandmother experience.It was only later that Gwenn and Nick learned and shared with us that the name Josiah means "God heals". Now at two years old the only evidence of the night mare is the scar, the battle scar that runs down his chest. He is strong, rough and fearless. His mother just says "He's a mess!" (a term of endearment in the south)I think now of the past two years and it does not seem that life could change more for a family than has changed for Gwenn and Nick. Josiah's surgery,Nico finally coming home from Haiti and then the road to and the actual event of moving to Haiti. So I will miss Josiah's birthday. But I will think of him often. The infamous day of his birth haunting my memories and the grateful heart for Josiah-God heals.

Question for bloggers

I have one of those live feed applications on my blog so I can see where people who read my blog are located. It's fun to see and guess who the readers may be. So most of the time I have about 7-10 readers a day. But today, in the course of about 6 minutes I had 14 hitts from 7 different countries.So why would there be that sudden abnormal activity?? Any guesses??

No Greater Love

No greater love has a man than this-that he would lay down his life for a friend.
This is a picture of a high school friend of Gwenn's.
This picture is Memorial Day. Not grills on sale. Picnics or sleeping late. Where is the Happy in "Happy Memorial Day"? I am not judging people for this. It is just sad to me that our culture forgets so quickly....

Grow old along with me. The best is yet to be. A new grill.

Today Steve and I went to Home Depot to get a grill. They were on sale for Memorial Day. What grills on sale have to do with soldiers sacrificing for our freedom is beyond me. Seriously...but I digress.So we decided to not go back to the $99.00 variety because that would be like a dog going back on his vomit. Just not pretty. One season and they rust out. Which is really not similar to a dog and vomit.It's more like a penny in battery acid or something like that.
So we get this grill on sale for $200. It's nice. Four burners and one of those pretty much useless side burners. I reject the floor model because the stainless steel top has a mark where a sticker has been and it marred the surface somewhat.After all if you are paying $200 for something it shouldn't be all messed up before you even use it.They ofter to put another one together for us. Of course we accept and wander around the store while we wait. I want to get an outdoor showers cause the grandchildren are forever dumping buckets loads of sand down my drain when they bathe. We don't have the same idea about how this should work so I postpone the project until a son in law or two can help me figure it out. Not Nick cause he is in Haiti and I don't think plumbing is one of his mad skills.Figuring out how to ride a tap tap to the hospital is what he does best. I know this because Gwenn said that on facebook today.
So we go back to the garden dept. where said grill has been assembled and is waiting with a box containing a nice new grill cover to protect our shinny grill from the weather. What it really need was someone to protect it from the truck. It fell down twice on the way home.It wasn't scrathed too badly. And here is the great part.We didn't get all freaked out. The first time it was like "what was that??" We pulled over and there she lay. Face down in the bed of the truck. We pick it up and strat over. A few minutes larer "Crash!!" and down it goes again. I know you are wondering why we did not have proper tie downs. Well when the grandchildren wanted to pretend that they were horses and pull each other around in the Radio Flyer wagon Grandad had to get rope from somewhere. He had the perfect thing in the tool box of the truck. I bought a handi-dandi 12 pack of bungee cords.They cost $6.97. They did not work so well.
With this frustration Steve and I never got riled. We didn't point fingers. We didn't stress over the a few scratches in the grill.)Even though I rejected the floor model, these were after all our own scratches.) We were thankful tonight to eat our steak cooked over this nice new grill.
We also cleaned out the shed today. Long over due. Steve moved all the heavy stuff and did all the sweating. I picked through all the boxes and sorted keep from toss or sell.Anyone want to buy some of Melody's cassette tapes..??? How about 3 copies of the same English Lit book from her freshmen year at college.Melody, why 3 copies??
I could also sell you her journal from that year but that would not be nice. Actually, it might be. She is a great writer. Steve and I did not argue even one time about which pile to put something in. It is great to grow old together and have a relationship where you work together and not argue. So if you have been married for 35 years, don't argue with your spouse.Life is too short to waste on blame shifting, petty arguments and wasted words. Be friends, it's better that way.

Faith in the Playhouse

OUR AWESOME PLAY HOUSE

Today I was reading the faith chapter in Hebrews and then read a devotional by Oswald Chambers about faith. He was saying that faith is a gift.
I see that faith as big as a mustard seed when planted grows more faith.
I keep a baby monitor turned on in the kitchen when the children are playing in the play house. It's kinda fun to ease drop but I really do it so I know that they are okay. The door handle in the play house is a little messed up and sometimes cause the door to seem to be stuck closed. One day Abbie was playing out there with Nico and I hear her telling him "Oh no! It's stuck! we can't get out!" and she starts crying. Of course I went right out and opened the door and reminded her that I was listening on the monitor and all she had to do was say "Nanny, the door is stuck. Can you come help me?" A little while later I heard "Nanny, the door is stuck. Can you help me? OH NO! SHE CAN'T HEAR ME!! and she started to cry. A few seconds later I opened the door again and explained to her that just because she could not hear me did not mean that I could not hear her.
Yesterday, she went to play once again in the play house. A while later I heard "Nanny, the door is stuck. Can you come help me?" I went right out and Abbie said "Did you hear me when I talked to you?"
Slowly she is getting it. Each time I could hear her. Each time I went quickly to help her. The first time there was complete panic because she did not even realize I was there. The next time she knew I was there but could not really trust that I had heard her. The third time she readily accepted my presence but still expressed a little doubt that I had heard her. Next time she will have more confidence that when she calls I will answer.
So it is with God. God deposits that seed of faith in us. At first we don't even recognize His presence. The seed grows and it is not our actions that make the faith grow but God's reaction to our cry for help. We see him show up time after time and slowly our confidence grows and our faith becomes strong. So much so that we don't have to see Him to know He is there. We don't have to heard Him to know He will answer. We just know because time after time He has shown Himself faithful even when we had no faith at all.

Parent of a Missionary+the wonder of Skype

I think about Gwenn and Nick and the children a lot and wonder how life is in Haiti. I am blessed that I have always had the kind of relationship with my children that we talk often. Not always ever day often but close to it. I am blessed that Gretchen and her family are close by. Melody, Chris and Evie are pretty far away but that considered,we get to see each other several times a years.(thank you chirs :)And even Chris will call me sometimes.(mostly really late at night when a:he is driving home from some job and he is bored and he know i will be awake or b:is calling me late at night when everyone else is sleeping so they wont know that he actually calls his mother in law!)
I am fairly used to not seeing Gwenn and Nick all the time but I always knew we could get in the car and be with them 3-4 hrs. later.Sometimes we would meet half way and pick up the kids for a visit with Nanny and Grandad and Gretchen and her tribe.
Now that I have been to Haiti I know that it is really not THAT hard to get there. But it is still another country and it is not like visiting in the US. Gwenn has called me a few times and it was so awesome to talk to her. We chat on facebook too. But now I have downloaded Skype and I can see the children and they can see me! It is so George Jetson I can hardly believe it! Ok, I have a pretty cheap camera and it's hard sometimes to clearly see and the Internet service in Haiti is not exactly what you call reliable but I do see my grandchildren! I am waiting to see the damage on my pretty grandson's face where he kissed the pavement in a fall...maybe that is why they keep the lights so low at night.(that or maybe it's because there is only one small light in the room. it is Haiti after all)
Last night the cousins got to visit with a very poor connection. They could not quiet get the concept that you have to take your turn to talk and then wait for a response. Sometimes the connections is so slow that Gwenn just makes faces at me. She makes me laugh. She makes me miss her more. She makes me miss her less..
and the skype alert just popped up to say that she is now on line....I think I'll give it a try :)

Angelina's Mother's Day Holiday

Steve is famous with the children for his Angelina stories. These stories are all based on events from his childhood with the names changed to protect the sometimes not so innocent :)
This is for Nia, Nico and Josiah so they don't have to miss out while living in Haiti.

I am me because of her. I care because she cared. I share because she shared. I love because she loved. I laugh because she laughed.I want to be her when I grow up.I want my grandchildren to love me as hers loved her. I want my children to miss me as much as I miss her.
I am glad we said good bye well. Make sure your mom knows. Not only on Mother's Day but each day.
Looking forward to a reunion with my Mom. Because of Jesus that day will come....

Journal entry from Haiti-Friday

I am glad I wrote down my thoughts each day while I was in Haiti. I wanted to continue that when I got home but I guess it is easier to just write my thoughts here. Friday: A young man pushes a wheel barrow down the street. The sun rises in the east but the ocean lies to the west! Wow! I just noticed that! I have only known the ocean to be to the east of me before this. I hear a chicken cluck and now a rooster crow. "Before the rooster crows twice you will have denied me three times." It is 6:30 Am and already the streets are waking up. A man is wiping down a large red truck with a rag until it shines. A preteen girl arrives at the gate of our next door neighbor with a bag in her hands. The bag is filled with charcoal and money exchanged. A very thin dog waits outside the gate. When did he last eat? The smell of diesel fuel. I am praying "Lord, I want to experience this will all my senses. I hear things, I see things, I smell things, but Lord help me to remember a touch." At that moment I feel a tender squeeze on my shoulder as Nixon leans down and kisses my left cheek- "Good Morning."he says and I offer up a silent prayer."Thank you Lord for that touch from you." I taste the sorrow of knowing my time here is soon to be over.

Haiti trip - A video postcard

Solid Rock

"My Hope is Built on Nothing Less"
by Edward Mote, 1797-1874
1. My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus' blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus' name.
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

2. When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale
My anchor holds within the veil.
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

3. His oath, His covenant, and blood
Support me in the whelming flood;
When every earthly prop gives way,
He then is all my Hope and Stay.
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

4. When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh, may I then in Him be found,
Clothed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne!
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.


This morning our good friend and elder,Jim, preached at our church. He spoke about Christ being the solid rock and used this song to remind us of the foundation of our faith. We can not trust in what we see or be overcome by the storms we face. But where it took me was...
Two weeks ago to the land purchased for Haitian Children's Home in Haiti. We hiked the land. It was all rock. But it was not an easy walk. The foundation was stable. I was not. It was a hard walk for me being a lot older than the rest of the team. But my age was not the factor as much as not trusting where to step and being afraid of my footing. There was a young Haitian boy who moved effortlessly over the lava rock. He did not seem even a little winded.
Had HCH bought different land it may have been more easily transformed into the home sites for the homes that will be built there. But when hurricanes come, not if but when, these houses will be strong against the prevailing winds and driving rains.
The rock was not the problem. It was that I was unsure of myself upon this rock. If each day I returned to this rock my walk would become like that of a goat with sure footing and a graceful climb.
I can trust Jesus, He is a firm foundation. But I must go back to Him again and again and again if I am to truly know how to gracefully stride. He does not change. I change. I can make my walk easy or hard depending on how familiar I become with standing on the truth of this foundation. To be apart from Christ is the place of sinking sand.
To stand on the rock is not as comfortable sometimes as sinking our toes into the sand. Sand is constantly moving, shifting, changing. Not suitable for long term standing. So Lord help me keep my feet on the rock and to trust you. For you are my strong foundation.