weirdness and butterflies and flowers...day 4

Really..??? is this only day four since the great reveal that cancer was found in my body???
Weirdness..the very reason I am blogging was to help dispel it. You know that awkward silence when someone does not know what to say. Well in some ways it has been very effective. I especially liked it when friends whom I only see once or twice a year did not hesitate to call me. I like that. They may have not been certain of what to say but they did not shy away from me. Others, when they make eye contact they look away. Some hesitate when they say "How are you?" indicating that perhaps they have heard but they are afraid to say and I don't know if they really have so I don't say. Weirdness...I have been there myself. This does not offend me at all. I know it is just hard sometimes for people to talk about 'it'. The 'it' that enters the room before I enter and lingers after I leave. Weirdness when I go into Subway and tell Gilbert that I wont be in for awhile and I start crying and can't answer him..Really??? I have told so many people why would this bother me??? But unweirdness when Gilbert looks me straight in the eyes and quotes scriptures to me in my weakness and tells me he will be fasting and praying for me. Yes. This happened in Subway.Weirdness when I get prayed for at church (which if great) but then some people who normally talk to me after a service can bring themselves to now. Unweridness when a young girl you have never met runs to catch up with you and say "You don't know me, but I will be praying for you." (Her name was Heidi)
But on the other side of weirdness is blessings. Blessings with the hundreds of people who say they are praying. Blessings when a son in law who will remain nameless publicly displays affection on facebook :), blessings when a friend goes for a walk on the beach and photographs butterflies that make her think of and pray for me. Blessings of arriving home from work to find a beautiful vase of flowers on my doorstep from friends far away. Blessings of laughter. Connecting with my sister. Blessing of remembering my mom and having a boss who really 'gets it' and cares. It is a little embarrassing to read all the comments on face book about how great I am. But it makes me smile. Knowing that even though there is a weirdness at times..the blessings outweigh them a thousand to one.

I am learning how to be a friend. My friends are teaching me. And lo! I may walk through the shadow of the valley of death, I walk through it! I don't go under the shadow and stay there! I walk through it~ and what a beautiful shadow it is!