Monday, October 17, 2011

Survivor's guilt..7 days post surgery

My name was on the prayer list in a local church prayer list. First let me say "I love that!" I love that churches I do not even attend are including me on their list. Next to my name it said : "cancer".
Wow..this has not yet sunk in. I hope it does not have a chance to actually. But somehow..somehow I feel like I am cheating. If all goes well I would have found out I had cancer in my body and they took it out all in the course of a week! Yes, I very much hope that is what will happen here. But somehow it doesn't seem fair. So many people with "cancer" suffer. I mean really suffer. I have not suffered. I have had mild to moderate discomfort for one week. I could not sit down with someone who has cancer and say "I know how you feel." My daughter Gwenn says it is a kind of survivor guilt. Like when she when through the earthquake. Of course it was hard for her but so many had it so much worse it was hard to process the fact that she and all of her family were alive and still had a home.
Interesting enough I have learned of several people who have learned they have cancer since I learned of my own. For those new cases I feel like maybe God can use me to encourage. Maybe that is why I have this blog... I don't know.
On Tues of next week I will get the results..I pray that if I still need treatment that God will be glorified. I pray that if I am cancer free God will be glorified. I pray that I will be a survivor and live to tell His story. I pray that I will be a friend and live to listen to yours.

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