When I first became a mother it was with great joy and confidence that I took on my new title -Mom. I had known sicne I was ten years old that that was the hat I wanted to wear. I had prepared for many years for this role and it was never a burden. From the time my youngest daughter was ten I had another role to look forward to. While I never pushed my daughter's to have children there was never any doubt to them or anyone else that this new stage of my life would be joyful and fulfilling. Being a grandmother is such an incredibly satisfying role that I honestly would be content for this stage to go on and on. And it will. But yesterday I learned of another role that the Lord has called me to play. That is the role of POM.
After I had written yesterday's blog I got a response from a woman who hooked me up to other POMs. A Parent of a Missionary. This is not a role that I have ever dreamed of. When I became a grandmother I felt like I became a member of an elite organization. A group that could relate so well to each other but whom those outside the circle could not relate to. Now..I am in this new group. We can relate to each other in a way that is almost sacred. I read their words and they are mine. I see their hearts and my own heart breaks. And the funny think is...until yesterday I didn't know them and I didn't know I was one of them.
Oh sweet Denise-
ReplyDeleteI truly understand your hearts cry. I have been told that for those of us who didn't know or realize that our kids would be missionaries someday - it is harder for us to adjust. I found out in October and my kids left last week. I feel like this has all been a very bad dream that I can't wake up from. In many ways I have been going through the five stages of grief, first denial, then anger, then bargaining, then depression. I'm looking forward to the next stage - acceptance. I believe it will happen.
I can also tell you that these days leading up to their departure are in many ways worse then after they leave. I'm not sure why that is so. After they left, it was almost a relief of sorts. It was good to be done with the goodbyes. Now I am sad and I feel empty - but that horrible anxiety isn't there anymore. I am sleeping better. I feel better. They are safely there and now I can turn my thoughts to how I am going to make this work. I still don't like it - not one little bit. But I think I'm going to survive it - and you will too. I'm here for you whenever you want to talk. You can email me at rgryan(at)nnu(dot)edu.