Thursday, October 27, 2011


Giddy with excitement and smiling at the future! So much to say..later. For now..I am so honored to be the child of a loving God!
On a perhaps lesser note..SO this is what if feels like to get 8 hours of sleep every night for 2 weeks!!!! The air is clear, the breeze is cool, the mosquitoes are GONE and the sun is shinning. SO much to  get done and keep on having to remind myself that I actually have the time to do it!!!!!!
Thanking so many for going to the throne of grace on my behalf. I will die someday but for now God has spoken LIFE!! to Him be all the glory!!!!!

Monday, October 24, 2011

So...this is it.

I sit in my newly redone studio/office space that Melody spent LOTS of hours cleaning and organizing for me. It's like here I am at this great place of new beginnings. And I am. Soon I will be officially retired. I have not set an alarm clock in two weeks. I have lots of business possibilities coming around.It is exciting.
Tomorrow I go back to the oncologist. He will tell me what the next chapter of my life will look like. He in no way controls how this book will read but he knows the title of the next chapter. Seems funny to me that the information that will alter my course one way or another, information that is so important to me, has most likely been sitting on his desk for days....
No doubt he has reviewed it by now....this is the closest to anxious I have been to date. But I still rest in knowing that God is for me and not against me. And...I trust Him...

Sunday, October 23, 2011

A Merry Melody

When I first moved to NC sixteen years ago she was my closest and actually only friend. Steve had remained up north to sell the house and Gretchen and Gwenn were in college. So Melody and I packed our bags..and boxes.. and a large truck and moved to Manteo. We rented a small (cold) apartment at Morrison Grove and set out exploring our new life here.
Having ten months without the distractions of a normal life we grew quite close. When I felt discouraged or downhearted Melody would leave me sweet little notes on my pillow or on the mirror. We shared a love for old houses and would drive around and look at every house on the market. There was one old house on Sunny Side that she loved and would make me park outside of it for long periods of time so she could imagine what it would be like to live there. "Can't you just imagine me sitting under that tree and writing my first novel?" Sometimes I wonder if I had bought that house if she would have written that book by now. In those months we talked about her hopes and dreams. We talked about boys and dish towels. She gave me a surprise 40th birthday party and invited our only new friend. Kevin was an eighteen year old surfer who told me I was phat and I wasn't sure if I should accept that as a compliment or an insult. We laughed til we cried when he tried to set up our Christmas tree and ended up using a wire and nailed it to that walls to make it stand up.
When Melody left to go to Fire School in Florida it was hard to let her go and she has not lived in Manteo since. That was a long time ago. When Melody married Chris and moved to PA it was hard to have her so far away. We see each other a lot. We are still very close.
This time of my recovery has been a special time with my Merry Melody. I'm not saying I am glad for my cancer. I am glad however to have Melody and her three beautiful little girls here with me for a more extended stay.
Some times hard times bring their own reward.

Friday, October 21, 2011

In the Quiet

The house is quiet. Cana is sleeping. Evie is upstairs playing a game. Melody and Ruby are out. Steve is at work and the other grandchildren won't be here for an hour. I am reflecting on the burst of activity in my life and how for most of it I had to sit passively as I watched it happen around me. I am blessed and grateful for all this activity that was directed at moving me on to a healthier place. Physically, emotionally and spiritually.

I have yet to get the results of my pathology from my operation. I don't know what is going to happen in my tomorrows. But I fell good. I am not anxious or in fear.
When this is all over I will be officially retired from the US Postal Service. YAY!!!! I have worked since I was 13 years old. During the 'baby' years I took children into our home and worked part time jobs like school crossing guard, cleaned offices, this and that. In 1986 when my 'baby' was three years old I stared at the Post Office. Since that time every Saturday has been a work day. I have not been able to be involved in women's study groups or coffee times. For the first time in ....ever.....I don't have to set my alarm clock!
Because I can't lift anything heavier than a milk jug it cramps my style a bit and I can't dive in the way I would like to. For months I have been piling things in various places knowing that I would be able to really organize my home as soon as I retired. Sure didn't count on this. However....I do have a Melody in my life who is tearing through my piles, staying up late every night and restoring order to my neglected home. Mostly I watch her and try to help with the kids cause she is like me and finds it easier to 'do it myself'. So I humbley let her. So even if I can't do what I have been waiting to do for months it is nice to have it being done just the same. And she is more ruthless than me and 'encourages' me to toss out things I may have otherwise kept.
I understand a little why people on the Hoarders show get so upset. If 'helping' a person is not done with a caring attitude it can make you feel really threatened. And old. Melody does not make me feel this way.
So with Gwenn here to do my makeover and straighten out my paper work (because I honestly could not handle that right now without crying) and Melody straightening out my home ...well..I feel like I am ready to take on this retirement thing full on!
In this quiet..I am thankful for this journey. For my family. To my God. Life is good. Come what may.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011


Today I took Evie and Cana to the Aquarium. Well..I didn't actually take them there. Melody did because I am still on the "Denise can't drive" thing for another week. While there we went to Neptune's theater to see the Show. Which Evie promptly informed me was not a "show". Yes ..she was right. It was an educational presentation. Can't fool the daughter of a music promoter. :)
One fact that really touched me was about dolphins. Because a dolphin is a mammal it needs to breath air. When a baby dolphin is born the mother's sisters will often stay with the mom for the delivery. When the baby dolphin comes out the aunts will often help usher the baby to the surface so it can take it's first breath.
What a picture of family. Having my children here during this time has been so awesome. Sometimes I need them to push ME to the surface to catch my breath.
I am so thankful to my God who paints this picture of family. The natural family and the family of Christ.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Survivor's guilt..7 days post surgery

My name was on the prayer list in a local church prayer list. First let me say "I love that!" I love that churches I do not even attend are including me on their list. Next to my name it said : "cancer".
Wow..this has not yet sunk in. I hope it does not have a chance to actually. But somehow..somehow I feel like I am cheating. If all goes well I would have found out I had cancer in my body and they took it out all in the course of a week! Yes, I very much hope that is what will happen here. But somehow it doesn't seem fair. So many people with "cancer" suffer. I mean really suffer. I have not suffered. I have had mild to moderate discomfort for one week. I could not sit down with someone who has cancer and say "I know how you feel." My daughter Gwenn says it is a kind of survivor guilt. Like when she when through the earthquake. Of course it was hard for her but so many had it so much worse it was hard to process the fact that she and all of her family were alive and still had a home.
Interesting enough I have learned of several people who have learned they have cancer since I learned of my own. For those new cases I feel like maybe God can use me to encourage. Maybe that is why I have this blog... I don't know.
On Tues of next week I will get the results..I pray that if I still need treatment that God will be glorified. I pray that if I am cancer free God will be glorified. I pray that I will be a survivor and live to tell His story. I pray that I will be a friend and live to listen to yours.

Friday, October 14, 2011

A Little 12

The surgery went well. I think my recovery is going well. I have around me so many of the people that make me happy. Each with their own gifts and abilities to encourage me! My friends and neighbors, coworkers, facebook friends have sent me cards and flowers, fruit and offered prayers. I am learning to listen to my body and not fight the temporary limitations that I have.
Tonight, the house is quiet. I have been working on paper work. And more paper work and then some more. And I am finding it hard to concentrate on any of it. And when I can't find the stamps I just bought I start to cry.
I have piles of important papers everywhere. As the team leader for the trip to Haiti (that I am not going on) I have deposits and itineraries and passport info and travel insurance info to gather and print and put in one place.
I have to file a claim to get a refund on my ticket to Haiti. More papers and they all have to get filled out and signed by doctors...Which doctors? the family doctor?, the Ob/Gyn? the oncologist?? Do I have to contact the they?
Then there is the FMLA...whose phone answering system did not function properly...more forms..
The retirement papers...the state sales taxes...the regular bills..
And my mind can not focus on any of it.
The doctor said to expect this. He said it would be hard to is. I just want to throw away every paper in my house and start over...sigh...enough complaining.
The reason I feel a need to share this frustration is because it would not be fair to share my cancer story and make it seem like it was all faith and love letters in the sand. This part is hard for me. I wanted to go to Haiti SO bad. Anyone who knows me, has met me, ran into me at the store, bumped into me on the sidewalk KNOWS that I was counting down the days. My Google desktop a daily/minute/second reminder of the time my flight would leave next Friday. This is hard stuff. This is were my faith could be challenged! But still...still... there is the reminder.. a daughter who honors me with a new tattoo on her arm.. daughters who write their  love for me in the way they care for my home and my needs, a husband who stands by me in every way and a God who writes me love letters in the sand...and I know..I know that I know that I know...
He if faithful..and this is all stuff that is just trying to get me off track..

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Soap Box. Day 10/part 2

This blog is for any woman who is  50 years old. Or any woman under 50. Or any woman over 50. Or any man who loves a woman. Or any man who has a wife. Or a sister. Or a mother.
Cancer. And a great hush fell over the crowd.
We have seen the pink ribbons and the cute tee-shirts about breast cancer. We have all heard for years about he importance of breast exams. Both self exams and doctor exams annually. We even have a  postage stamp dedicated to raising money for breast cancer research. These are all positive moves. We need to not be quiet about the dangers of breast cancer.
We all know about the importance of a yearly pap smear. I know..this is perhaps a little harder to say out out loud because let's face it..on a good day is it uncomfortable and awkward.  Many woman shy away from this test because it is uncomfortable.
But I did all the routine tests. Had a few really uncomfortable breast biopsies that thankfully did not show cancer. I had yearly paps and even the dreaded colonoscopy!All the tests came back negative. So how is it that I sit here 2 days after a hysterectomy to hopefully rid my body of uterine cancer??
I am 2 years post menopausal. Yes, I know this is very personal and some of you..especially men may decide here to stop reading. Your choice..
I felt fine. No reason at all to suspect that a TINY bit of spotting should be something to be concerned about. In fact I almost did not mention it to a PA when it first happened. It seems so minor. Not even enough blood to use a pad. I did mention it and was told this could happen for a while after menopause.
Nothing happened again for several months. Then again.. the same thing. I waited a few weeks and it came again. I went to the Internet and googled "post menopausal spotting". The first hit I got was "any amount of bleeding after menopause is not normal." I went to a new doctor who did a repeat pap and that was fine. She set up a inter vaginal sonogram for me to look further. I thought this would be terrible. It really was less uncomfortable than a pap. This showed some irregularities. I was immediately sent to an OB/GYN for a biopsy of the lining of the uterus. This I will admit was very uncomfortable. In less than a week I had the answer. Cancer. I was shocked. I thought for sure we were going to find some minor easily treated problem.
The same week I got my results back so did the sister of a friend of mine. We were both 55 yrs. old. That is very young for this type of cancer.
Uterine cancer is a very common female cancer. If caught early it is the most treatable female cancer. The uterus is a muscle that holds the cancer in one spot IF CAUGHT EARLY.
That is why I am writing this blog. I thought I was doing everything right. I thought that a pap smear was the end all for female cancers. Women need to listen to their bodies. If we think something 'may' be wrong and a doctor doesn't agree it is ok to question that.
Uterine cancer is most often found in overweight women. Guilty. It is often found in women with hormone replacement therapy. Not guilty. It often can be found in families who have had colon cancer...yep..that's me.
I wait now for the two weeks to find out what next? if anything. I hope/pray that the cancer is gone. So, if you are a woman or know a woman I want to tell you not to be afraid to say aloud what you may suspect. Address it today. Not next week or next month. Make an appointment today. Even if it means you have to cancel a trip to Disney World..or even Haiti.

A Two Blog kind of Day. Day 10

What a birthday party! The waiting room filled with family and friends! Cards and greetings and love pouring down! This was a wonderful birthday! Hopefully leaving cancer behind as I go into this new year is a wonderful gift from God. I don't know yet if that is the case. But in this waiting room I choose to believe that the future looks bright. If I have other treatments to deal with that when it comes.For's pain meds and full makeovers :)
Yes..I had glamour shots today thanks to my daughter Gwenn. As silly as it feels to be sitting here with full 'wedding' makeup it's fun. It's great to have a light heart. I am richly blessed! This afternoon Gretchen will bring over her babies to visit me. Katie has been working on a surprise for me ( I hope she brings it!) And I look forward to Melody arriving with her 3 babies sometime this week! Steve has been taking care of me as well. Selah sisters are bringing dinner tonight.Flowers just arrived at my door! It makes me so grateful. It also makes me so aware of those who don't have the support group around them that I have.
Now on the other hand..lest you think life is all "sunshine and lolipops'...this physically hurts more than i expected. I hate taking narcotics and can't imagine why anyone would use them for fun! BUT I am thankful to live in a country where they are available and I am thankful for health insurance that makes them more attainable.
I am remained of two years ago when Gwenn and Nick were staying in Port-Au-Prince for language school. Woody, a young teen from Jacmel was hurt in a moto accident. His leg was broken in 2 places and because it was very difficult for his parents to make the trip over the mountain every day Gwenn became a care-giver for Woody. His leg was in traction using a milk bottle filled with water as a weight for the traction. Gwenn had to feed and bathe this young man as well as provide everything he needed while in the hospital. (food ,hygiene ect.)Nurses were not responsible to care for hygiene or toileting. Even though I did not have the best nursing care while in the hospital I had great care compared to what Woody had in Haiti. We in America do not really understand how blessed we are as a nation. It health care equal? No. Some people are 'more equal' than others. But even the worst that we have to offer in the US is still far better than the best to be offered in some other countries. This is not a 'soap box' moment..simply a statement of fact. We need to be thankful. I am thankful.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

A Birthday Party- Day 7

So my birthday party is shaping up to be quite an event! I wonder how many of my family will get kicked out of the waiting room for their raucous behaviour!
All these people that are coming..well I've told them they don't need to be there. BUT I am blessed that they will be. When there is a wound in our physical body the white blood cells rush in to do battle with the germs that are trying to attack the body. So it is with the Body of Christ. I am humbled by the outpouring of love and support for me and my family. And I am deeply grateful to God for placing me in this circle of encouragement.
Time and time again God has whispered His thoughts to me and time and time again He has sent others in to speak those thoughts out loud so I would be sure to hear them. To be alone would surly be worse than the cancer itself.
I want to live. I am excited about the future. I believe that I will be completely healed. If I an does not change my faith at all. When I came home from my first trip to Haiti  in the Spring of 2009 I wrote a blog about The Solid Rock . That rock has not shifted since then. It did not shift when the earth quaked and it did not shift when Gretchen nearly died. The rock is solid. It was, it is and it will be solid.
I have no doubt that I have faced and am facing an attack of the enemy. He can't have a victory. I do not acknowledge any power he may think his has on my life. I am a child of God. He created me in Christ Jesus before I was born. Jesus fights my battles. So tomorrow.. if you pray for it in praise and thanksgiving. Believers, worship Him. Non believers ask Him to show you what this means. Pray that all of us would have divine appointments tomorrow! Make us ready to meet those appointments. If you have the time to listen to the song I posted on my blog earlier today, listen to it. All nine minutes of it and pray with me. It would be great if you could do it at 10 AM..
Thank you for walking this path with me. Looking forward to see the Hand of God revealed!

my prayer and song

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Was this really my last day at the Post Office??

I think it will take me a while to really understand that I am finished working for the Postal Service. When I started I was the mother of three young daughters. In fact, Melody was still in nursery school! Now she is the mother of three daughters!
 I had walked into the Post Office one morning to get my mail and Mrs. Kuhl the Postmaster said to me "You want a job?" I said "Sure". Here I am 25 years later, the grandmother of a whole mess of kids and ready to start the next chapter of the book of my life that my God is writing.
I admit as nice as it was to be honored by my coworkers it still was bitter sweet. But I am still believing in hope for the future. And I am praying that this will one day be remembered as "water gone by".
Today I was thinking about the fact that I know God will be glorified in this. Then I remembered a dog we had named Nutmeg. She was from the pound and the policy was that all female dogs must be spade. So we paid our $54.00 special rate and brought her to the vet. When we went to pick her up they said that after they opened her up they discovered she had already been spade!
Wouldn't it be cool if the doctors opened me up and found the God had already 'spade' me???
Gwenn is on her way to the States! Steve will pick her up in the morning! Melody and the girls will be coming in as soon as they are feeling better. And Gretchen is here~ I know you are jealous they they are not your can't have them~

This is not how I dreamed the story would unfold.. day 5

For twenty five years I have worked in a job that has required me to work  a schedule that I really don't like. Every Sat, many Sundays. Both side of most holidays. Early morning alarm clocks. BUT it was a good job in many ways. I enjoy my contact with the public and the job itself really is not so bad. But for 25 years I have longed for the time when I could be a stay at home domestic type. Oh I knew I would have to work but finally ....finally I have found the work I was born to do! It was like everything I have done since I became a Christian in 1977 was preparing me for this season. I spoke often this year about having come to the most exciting time in my life.
Finally the day would come! On my 56 birthday I would be eligible to retire! The paper work done and turned in I decided to wait until the end of October to retire but spend the last week of work on vacation in Haiti. It was exciting to think about turning in my cash drawer, working the counter and saying 'so long' to the customers I have grown to know and love so well over these many years! I was pumped and ready!
So tomorrow is that last day that I have longed for for such a long I counted out my cash and signed the necessary forms. Got to the bottom of a few forwarding problems. And cried..
This is not how I dreamed this story would unfold....
I can't see next week...tomorrow... I am not being fatalistic. I just can't know if the dreams that were unfolding for my future will look anything like I hoped. I can't say I am scared. At moments I am. I am quite thankful that the doctors have moved on this so quickly. It does not give me much of a chance to think "cancer". I am praying that by the time the idea sinks in it will be gone. Jesus did not say to me that He would heal me. He said "Do you trust me?"  I know He has His best for me in His heart. I just don't know if we would agree on what is 'best'.
So while I did have a hard time at work today after work my closest friend Candy took me out for birthday lunch. I am so blessed to have this woman in my life who just lets me be transparent. I love Candy so very, very much. We have been together for births of children and the death of a child. We have been thought sickness and earthquakes and adoptions.We have worked through church difficulties and aging partent. We have laughed and cried and danced. She has rallied the troops around me to pray and care for me. So in all my uncertainly there are some things that won't change. My husband, my children, my grandchildren and my Candy as well as so many others will still be there tomorrow.My dream for me revolves around my relationships. That part of the dream is still on solid ground. I also know that God knew that on the very day I would be eligible to retire that I would be undergoing a operation to remove cancer from my body.. I guess He knew I would not need to take it with me anymore than I need my postal uniforms. He knows what I need. And His has bigger dreams for me than I have for me. And I have to answer Him with my whole heart. "Yes. I trust you." And I thank Him that when I am afraid I can close my eyes and see the 'little girl' Denise climb up on His lap. I can feel His embrace and when I can't even look in His eyes He lifts my chin and cups my face and looks me straight in the eyes and says "You're my girl. I've got this."

Thursday, October 6, 2011

weirdness and butterflies and 4

Really..??? is this only day four since the great reveal that cancer was found in my body???
Weirdness..the very reason I am blogging was to help dispel it. You know that awkward silence when someone does not know what to say. Well in some ways it has been very effective. I especially liked it when friends whom I only see once or twice a year did not hesitate to call me. I like that. They may have not been certain of what to say but they did not shy away from me. Others, when they make eye contact they look away. Some hesitate when they say "How are you?" indicating that perhaps they have heard but they are afraid to say and I don't know if they really have so I don't say. Weirdness...I have been there myself. This does not offend me at all. I know it is just hard sometimes for people to talk about 'it'. The 'it' that enters the room before I enter and lingers after I leave. Weirdness when I go into Subway and tell Gilbert that I wont be in for awhile and I start crying and can't answer him..Really??? I have told so many people why would this bother me??? But unweirdness when Gilbert looks me straight in the eyes and quotes scriptures to me in my weakness and tells me he will be fasting and praying for me. Yes. This happened in Subway.Weirdness when I get prayed for at church (which if great) but then some people who normally talk to me after a service can bring themselves to now. Unweridness when a young girl you have never met runs to catch up with you and say "You don't know me, but I will be praying for you." (Her name was Heidi)
But on the other side of weirdness is blessings. Blessings with the hundreds of people who say they are praying. Blessings when a son in law who will remain nameless publicly displays affection on facebook :), blessings when a friend goes for a walk on the beach and photographs butterflies that make her think of and pray for me. Blessings of arriving home from work to find a beautiful vase of flowers on my doorstep from friends far away. Blessings of laughter. Connecting with my sister. Blessing of remembering my mom and having a boss who really 'gets it' and cares. It is a little embarrassing to read all the comments on face book about how great I am. But it makes me smile. Knowing that even though there is a weirdness at times..the blessings outweigh them a thousand to one.
I am learning how to be a friend. My friends are teaching me. And lo! I may walk through the shadow of the valley of death, I walk through it! I don't go under the shadow and stay there! I walk through it~ and what a beautiful shadow it is!

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Closer than the air I breath-day 3

Today I went to work and took a minute to talk to each coworker and let them know what was happening. I don't want to shroud this in mystery and make me unapproachable. Watching a persons eyes when you say "I have cancer" is very revealing. I am glad that God is giving me the peace I need to walk this road. I truly believe that God "inhabits the praises of His people" and when I worship I am overcome with joy and thanksgiving. This is the time that the tears come...but they are not bad tears...they are good tears. Tears that come with contorted facial gestures and heaving shoulders. Not so good when you are driving :)
After work I had to drop off some clothing at the place where they are collecting for the families who lost everything in hurricane Irene. I noticed that the other lane was backed up a long way due to construction and then I looked down and saw the gas gage was on E. Oh yeah...Steve drove my car up the beach the other day...I didn't think I would have enough gas to wait in that line to get back to the gas station so I went over the bridge (praying I had enough fuel to get me over the bridge) and then took the scenic route home. As I came over the other bridge I thought of stopping and looking for sea glass (sound glass really) on the far side of the bridge. I was glad for the long way home it gave me time to listen to worship music and enter into the presence of Jesus. I decided to continue on when His voice said to me "No stop. I have something for you." So I stopped. As I took off my shoes and was thanking Him for such a beautiful day I walked to the sand and then I saw it!
It's hard to see in the photo but it say "Happy Birthday!" I burst out crying. Again happy tears. I smiled so hard for so long my face about hurt! As I walked I picked up undone pieces of glass, even a pretty blue one. And I asked Him for a special treasure.I found a pocket knife I picked it up hoping that was not meant to be someone else's treasure thinking Micah would like that since he left his in PA. Then I found an interesting piece. That was it. I need to make a necklace out of it to remember that my God walked with me today. And He will walk with me tomorrow. I will post a picture after I put it together. But God also wanted me to put all the other pieces down. Even the pretty blue one. Maybe He was saying "Denise,do you love me more than these?" "Yes Lord you know I love you."  "Then feed my sheep."
This path that God has chosen is not just about me. But it is about me. God reminding me that I have a Daddy who cares enough to write "Happy Birthday" in the sand. A God who loves me so much that He puts hundreds of people in my life to lift me up and carry me.  And when you KNOW that someone loves you like that..well you can't help but talk about Him!
God has not told me He will heal me but this He did do. I came in the house and turned on the radio wanting to hear more worship. There was NOTHING like worship on. So He said "turn on WJTL on your computer." I said..."Let me get lunch first." He said "No. Now. I have something to say to you.I obeyed (I mean really ...wouldn't you??) The very first words I heard were "Our God is Healer!" Chris Tomlin singing the words I so needed to hear. Our God is Greater!

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

I thought you should hear it from me one

The doctor called with the news today. I knew that it was bad by his tone. "It's not good is it?" I said. "Not what I was hoping for. Can you come right in?" he replied. And so it begins..
Cancer. Yes that is what it is. Not the "c" word or the it like it is. I have cancer. Only time will tell where this road will take me but this much I KNOW..I am not alone.
I am choosing now on this very first day that this shall be a road of thanksgiving and praise. I am choosing that I will seek to allow my Lord Jesus to use me. In whatever way He wants. If I live it is to His glory. If I die it is to His glory.
I do not expect that this will kill me. I did not think that the tests would come back as cancer. Do I believe God will heal me? I hope so so very much on so many levels. Will I become scared/angry/doubtful? Very possibly. Will I cry? I imagine so.
My paperwork was complete to retire this month. Twenty five years and so ready for the next chapter to begin! Two weeks out from leading a team to Haiti. Starting a business working with the deaf in Haiti...Life was going really well!
The thought of missing that trip so far has been the hardest thing to swallow. I miss my Haitian kids so much! I so want to reconnect with my Jacmel Bay artists and move on to the next stage of our business development. Instead...I am reading the trip insurance policy and praying that I somehow will not really have to cancel.
Telling my children and those closest to me has been hard. I hurt for them as I could remember being told that my mom had cancer. I thank God that my girls have each other. They need to emote together. I informed my doctor that my daughters should be listed on my chart so that they could call and get information if they wanted to. In this time of instant communication some important information is not available. They call it HIPPA. or something like that. I get where it came from but I never want to cut off my kids from important information.
God trusts me enough to allow me to represent Him here on earth. I love Jesus enough to desire to represent Him in an honest way. I am tired of Christians who sometimes have a "name it and claim it" philosophy. I will not test my God. Christians get cancer. Even Christians who have a lot of faith get cancer. Anyway... the bible tells us that faith is a gift. I did not conjure it up. It was given to me. The amount I have is the amount that was given. Do I believe God can heal me?? YES! I know He can.  He has done it before! And I am counting on Him to do it again...
And so the journey begins. I thank my God for my husband who follows God's heart. I ask God to lead and guide and comfort him. I thank God for my girls and their husbands..all who are God followers. I thank God for the children who will touch the tender spots to bring me laughter.I thank you Jesus for my extended family who will walk this path with me. I thank my God for my Candy...a friend who has been with me in every trial and celebration for the last 15 years. I thank my God for the Body of Christ and the fellowship of the saints..And as hard as this is to say ..I thank God for this cancer.  For even in cancer He will be glorified.I thank my Jesus who walked the Via Dol a Rosa..the road to the cross. He understands..everything.
Day Two
We headed out to Norfolk today to see the oncologist. When I walked in I saw two people with no hair. "Oh..right." I thought.."That's where I am." Less than 24 hours after hearing the word "cancer" I was sitting with the oncologist discussing my treatment. Holding on to that one last ounce of hope I started to ask him about my trip to Haiti.."NO!" was his reply before I finished my sentence. It brought tears but I was grateful to not have to make this decision myself.
They don't waste any time here and after telling me that I had cancer of the lining of the uterus. He continued to tell me that I would need a total hysterectomy on Monday. Monday..Oct birthday. At 10 AM. Instead of thinking "What a lousy way to spend my birthday!" I thought 10-10 @ 10 AM and I remembered back one year ago to My Magical Birthday and the blog I wrote last year. And the importance of the number 10 in the bible. And I knew God was telling me that He remembered me and it made me smile. He knows my name. I am His child.
So it seems that if all goes well I will be operated on on Monday and be home on Tuesday. Gwenn is coming from Haiti and Melody is coming from PA with the girls. Gretchen, Gwenn and Melody will have some rare sister time. I know this will be hard. I know it will be painful. But oh the pain it would be to be alone in this! I am so blessed beyond measure! I am believing that God's purpose in this is so much bigger than I may ever know. So pray with me for divine appointments. Pray with me that God will open doors and hearts for me to share the hope that I know in Christ. Pray with me that I will carry in my illness the compassion of Jesus Himself and that He will be glorified.
I know this may seem a little 'tacky' to share this so publicly but a few things come to mind. Cancer is usually whispered if spoken at all. The bible tell us to bring things into the light. many people are already finding out about this that I want to share openly so no one has to be afraid to talk about it. I have cancer. I know it. You know it. Done. Let's move on. God has good things ahead.